Sunday, December 4, 2011

The Crippling Goodbyes

I've taken a few nights off for: a cast party, bar hopping, and a cook out. Last night, though, was just fatigue and a large dose of apathy. Sushi for dinner and a terrible movie did little to make me care about things. Well, anything but the one thing. The one loud, overriding thing. One big, crappy enough thought will almost make you miss all of the old little crappy thoughts. At least the white noise of a cranky heart and brain I was getting used to.
     So, I don't like using these posts as journal entries, and I don't really want to talk about it, but I'm just going to. I guess I have to.
    It has not been a kind autumn. Stresses professional & financial, funerals, the passing of beloved family pets, and a break up have all been thrown my way since turning 27. There was a time I handled such things terribly- my body bears scars, my family can attest to the stress & worry I caused, and I was, really, just a wreck. Now, I'm holding up well.
     But, there's the numbness. The wanting of something- mainly just to sleep.
I've said goodbye to so many things, recently. All of them hurt. I bear guilt or scars, and want to make it all right, or to go away, but all you can do is move on. Live with what you're given, or you make.
   So here's hoping that having gotten this out of my system, I can soon return to our regularly scheduled musings and linguistic soft-shoe.

No comments:

Post a Comment